Self doubt is a natural, inevitable and very real part of building a business. And in this episode we share how we think about it, how we process it and how we overcome it.
If you compare yourself to other entrepreneurs, deal with self doubt, or feel the need for validation, you’re going to love this episode. Enjoy!
““Entrepreneurship is a balance of self confidence and self doubt.” ~ Corbett Barr”
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“How We Deal With The Cesspool of Self Doubt”
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Contents
- Cesspool: an underground container for the temporary storage of liquid waste and sewage. Do you smell something? It might be your self doubt.
- “Validation”
- “How bad can it get?”
- “I really really hate this topic. {Indiscriminate yelling.}” ~ Barrett
- Comparing yourself to others
- Sometimes we lose faith, or, rather, forget the point.
- Self awareness = knowing what you’re working towards beyond the trophy that others may be playing for. This keeps you from comparison.
- Refocus on your own metrics. Set a goal to improve something. The metric you choose matters.
- Refocus on your core audience. Hear what they’re struggling with and let it remind you of why you started this in the first place.
- Play… have grace on yourself, backup, remind yourself why you like to be alive (if you do).
- There’s a lot more in the episode, these are just a few of the bits I wanted to pull out.
“Feeling confident — or pretending that you feel confident — is necessary to reach for opportunities. It’s a cliche, but opportunities are rarely offered; they are seized. Given how fast the world moves today, grabbing opportunities is more important than ever.” ~ Sheryl Sandberg
Show Notes
10 Tactics to Better Work-Life Balance
Mindy Kaling’s Guide to Killer Confidence: Glamour.com
“If you’re playing for a trophy, you’re going to get it and realize it’s not what you wanted in the beginning.” – Barrett
Vanity vs. Actionable Metrics: Are you tracking the right stats in your business?
““You have to learn to love the effort divorced from the result.””
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Learn how to set goals that actually stick!
The Top 10 Mistakes in Online Business
Every week we talk with entrepreneurs. We talk about what’s working and what isn’t. We talk about successes and failures. We spend time with complete newbies, seasoned veterans, and everything in between.
One topic that comes up over and over again with both groups is mistakes made in starting businesses. Newbies love to learn about mistakes so they can avoid them. Veterans love to talk about what they wish they had known when starting out.
These conversations have been fascinating, so we compiled a list of the 10 mistakes we hear most often into a nifty lil' guide. Get the 10 Most Common Mistakes in Starting an Online Business here »
Thank you Barrett! Thank you, thank you, thank you for your insight on this. Very much needed.
Glad it was helpful, Mario!
I agree. Thank you Barrett! And Corbett, Step and Chase. You all dropped value bombs. However, I’d like to know a bit more about what Barrett mean’t when he said self-doubt is usually cause from something else and you have to ask yourself why? I think that this is profound but I’d like to hear some examples?
For me, I think means exploring the reasons I believe that I’m not enough. Who am I trying to impress? What I’m trying to prove? Where does that stem from in my childhood? What are my foundational beliefs that support me not fulfilling what I am capable of? What comes to mind to me are my beliefs about money and charging what I’m worth (believing I have value).
I think it boils down to self-awareness and understanding what underlies this doubt. I honestly think the process of creating something is a process of self-realization that involves coming face-to-face with our own shortcomings (for lack of a better word).
Just my thoughts. I’m interested in hearing what others think.
Thanks Amanda! That makes a lot of sense.
Hey Sarah! Amanda said a lot of what I meant on this one.
When I’m feeling self doubt, I find that it often comes from something unrelated to the actual situation at hand. It could be my own habits, it could be a piece of feedback that hits on an insecurity I have. It could be because I know that I didn’t do my best work.
For example, feeling self-doubt before publishing a blog post is usually not about the post itself. It’s probably about the fear of receiving nasty comments in return, or a fear of your friends seeing it and calling you out for being a fraud.
Here’s a framework that can work for evaluating if the self-doubt is valid:
– Does whatever I’m doing right now reflect my values as a person?
– Does whatever I’m doing right now reflect my best work?
– Is this feeling coming from someone else?
– Have I given that person license to give me advice and feedback?
– If this feeling is coming from someone who I trust and whose feedback I value… what can I learn from it?
– What actions can I take / habits can I form / learning can I pursue to avoid making the same mistake again in the future?
And you always have to remember: feedback is personal. It’s not about you. It’s about the other person. Sometimes what you’ve made simply isn’t for that person. Don’t be afraid to say, “Thanks, but it’s not for you.”
Wow. Thanks Barrett! Im going to post this framework above my computer. :)
Funny I deal with this all the time and I think it’s rarely talked about so thanks for continuing to broadcast these “hard” conversations we should be having with ourselves.
This came at the RIGHT time. I have to consistently overcome my own doubt. Every. Single. Day! Each day I have to remind myself the point.
We all do — just remember that it’s part of the journey :).
Great episode!
I’m in the middle of Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Big Magic” (which I’m loving), and it definitely is worth checking out for anyone who has self-doubt about being creative in life. She talks about permission, which you guys touched upon. We don’t need permission to create, and we will likely be waiting a long time if we require permission to do our creative work. We are creative beings, and that in and of itself is our permission.
She also talks about entitlement. We all are entitled to create.
Agree. Great ideas in this book on fear and creativity.
Sounds like Big Magic would be another great resource for anyone dealing with self doubt, Amanda. Thanks for sharing!
This is a topic I have not only dealt with, but have also studied in order to help people struggling with fear and self doubt. I have some resources to offer that will help put this into perspective.
Steven Pressfield – The War of Art. He talks a lot about what Barrett said. Resistance will always attack, and often when you are closest to doing something that really matters. The way to combat it is to expect it and turn pro. Do the work anyway.
Seth Godin – The Icarus Deception. We are afraid to fly too close to the sun. More dangerous is to fly too close to the earth.
Elizabeth Gilbert podcast with Brene Brown. Called Magic Lessons. Talks about creativity and shame.
My most recent podcast. It is about putting on a character to help you overcome fear. Called Finding Your Groove.
I still face this fear a lot. The difference is that now I don’t let it stop me. I celebrate it as a sign I am on the right path and getting closer to the goal.
These are all great resources, Kathleen. Thanks for sharing!
Self-doubt is no stranger to me, and I’ve spent a long time exploring, wrestling with, and making peace with my feelings of doubt and so on… so I thought this wouldn’t be a very useful episode for me, and that I was mostly going to listen for the comradarie and inside jokes and such. Turns out, it’s useful to hear things repeated in different ways!
The one thing in particular that hit me was which was Barrett’s comment (~43m) about goals based on external achievement versus living according to your values. It’s something I’ve heard plenty of times before (I read the regrets of the dying too)
Glad it was helpful despite your work in the past to deal with self doubt, Luke. Thanks for listening :)
I loved how Chase described it all as a dance between self-confidence and self-doubt. Strangely enough, a friend David Cain (who writes over at Raptitude.com) told me on a recent podcast episode that he fights self-doubt through negative visualization. He says that he expects very little, so everything he creates is a happy surprise. I’m not sure I could live the same way, but it’s an interesting concept. Very Stoic, perhaps? Anyway, the whole convo where he describes his approach more deeply is here: http://www.marcellachamorro.com/process/003-david-cain
Do any of you approach self-doubt the same way? I’m curious!
You guys!! I loved this episode! It’s heartening to know that you have all struggled with the feelings I have felt and it further reinforces my current strategy of embracing “the flinch” of self-doubt and knowing that the discomfort is a byproduct (or forewarning) of growth. You guys were all so much yourselves in this podcast, it really was a joy to behold. Corbett’s wise scripture, Chase touchy-feely truths, Steph’s beyond-her-years realisations (seriously, Steph, you are so sorted and you’re only 27) and dear God, Barrett exploding out of the blocks after 35 minutes of silence – the lessons are so much more memorable because they are so much fun to take in. If this how good the podcast gets without Fernet, I am frightened to consider the power with it.
I am pretty much in that cesspool now. Firing randomly in every direction.