As I write this I’m completely directionless. I’m trying to dream up a content strategy for Fizzle. That’s the site you’re on here. We write and podcast for indie entrepreneurs.
What a shitty word — “entrepreneur.” Feels like the kind of word French people are super pissed about us using.
“Ew du no eeven knogh wat zis wurd meeens.” {le sigh}
I’m cynical.
This work feels directionless. I try to plan, but as one hand writes down ideas the other hand erases them.
I’m getting spun up, like a roiling boil. All this activity, all these thoughts, all this motion, and all of it so clearly pointless. It’s like the crust of my brain, the outer parts, are all fired up and excited about the work, but the inside, the chewy nougat in the center, is a listless, bored, cynical high school bully, throwing everything out as unimportant and pointless… with total certainty.
Lots of activity but no emotional traction. I don’t believe in the things I’m writing down. I’m spinning with no feel of direction… in fact, with an intense feeling of no direction… like life, the universe and everything — and of course whatever current project I’m working on — ultimately goes nowhere. I should just…
WAIT! What the fuck, dude? Hold on a goddam second. Take some breaths.
{Three deep breaths.}
Ah, see. I remember this. I’ve been here before. This is anxiety. Remember? This isn’t you, it’s a weird state your body is in. Let’s go for a walk.
But the work?
That’s fine. We’ll pick it back up later.
(Two days later:)
As I write this, everything actually feels pretty good.
Sure, I don’t have ALL the answers, but I’m fairly confident I’ll be ok.
This coffee shop is alive with reclaimed wood, the smell of roasting beans and hipsters in flannel shirts (myself among them, ha!).
I just made a huge, sprawling mind map of ideas for this content schedule I’m working on. Tons of ideas. Many of them won’t work, but HEY!, we’ll have a blast doing them, lol :)
I LOVE being an entrepreneur. Ha! Even the French-ness of that word feels good to me… foreign, just out of reach, not mine originally but I’m working towards fluency.
{Takes another sip of coffee.}
{Gently vibrates for another hour and a half.}
I’m not very old, but the older I get the more I sense the difference between my mind and my body.
I remember being a fairly average feeler. The highs weren’t that high. The lows weren’t that low.
Nowadays, however, my brain chemistry seems to completely control me. Give me a squirt of this and, “yea, everything seems to be heading in the right direction!” A squirt of that and, “what the fuck is the point? Why put any effort into this at all? I don’t enjoy ANY of this.”
I’m not an expert on this brain stuff, but I’m the world’s leading scholar on What It’s Like to be Chase Reeves, and Chase wants to tell you self-employed gladiators this:
Know yourself.
Notice yourself.
Know what baseline is.
When you’re spun up in a roiling boil, notice it. Be aware. You are not the boiling. The boiling can be useful to you, it’s beautiful in its own way.
The boiling is not the YOU part of you. It’s a thing your YOU is doing.
This is true whether the boiling is heading towards the good — “We’re all going to heaven, lads!” — or the bad — “all this talk of a mystical paradise simply distracts us from the meaningless striving we call life.”
As I write this I want to tell you: We all have cracks. As Leonard Cohen says, “that’s how the light gets in.”
Honor your cracks. When it gets hot, take the pressure off.
You can. Chase Reeves gives you total permission to take the pressure off when it gets hot. (Did I mention I’m the world’s leading scholar in What It’s Like to be Chase Reeves?)
Speaking of scholars: French scholars still fight about this, but here’s the current english translation of the French word “Entrepreneur” — one who works and works and works and toils and works and fights the demons in themselves all day long to make something valuable when all the while people in their lives and in culture in general talk shit about them (and, let’s be honest, the entrepreneur is crazy to think they’ll be able to make it in real life) and the entrepreneur has to try to believe in himself or herself and keep working and working even when all the work isn’t working and it’s going really, really horribly.
Know yourself. Watch your energy levels. Honor your cracks, know them… and please don’t break.
“We all have cracks. It’s how the light gets in. Please don’t break.”
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Thank you for this. I love your honesty! It helps to know I’m not the only one that has the up and down days.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past 5 years working for and by myself, it’s that everyone goes through this. We all lose track of our purpose at time, there’s no shame in that. It just takes some recalibrating. Vulnerable articles like this are key for those who think they’re alone out there. Thank you.
I’m a couple days away from the 5-year mark, myself, and struggle with this more often than I’d like to admit. There’s a voice saying, “C’mon, the site is a mess, everyone who’s ever signed on to be a partner flaked and bailed, and the people you’re trying to help are more interested in clickbait. Let’s nuke and repave. Let’s scrap this and do something new and exciting.”
That thought takes root in a nasty way. You start letting things slide because, if nobody else cares, why should I? I need to find a new, exciting dream to pursue. Thing is, I really believe in what I’m doing. It’s my life’s work. How can I just walk away from that?
Ghandi said, “First they ignore you, then they mock you, then they fight you, then you win.” All this time, I’ve been thinking “they” are external. Ommm…
You perfectly described me right now in the first part of your post. I hope I can find the other part of me in the second part of your post.
And to be honest, as great as the up days are, I can really get too over excited and drive myself and certainly my family crazy. :)
Amazing, and said with such Chase-ness. We’re all in this together :)
Great words.
Oh thank god you wrote this, Chase – every word of it rings true. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks roiling and toiling away to very little avail – everything felt so murky and thick as molasses. But then last Thursday hit and I went on a tear and had the most productive 5 days I’ve had in years – even over the holiday weekend! Crazy. But you’re right, we need to ride the waves of productivity just as we wade through the murky shallows. As long as we stay in the water…that’s the key…don’t get out of the water…press on and hope there’s more surfing and less wading.
He’s a magic man, mama.
Thanks for sharing this, Chase. It’s energizing to know that this is “normal” for entrepreneur-dom (is that even a word?! – but then, you know what I mean) and that each of us can and must become experts in ourselves. And most of all, thanks for the permission! Great to find kindred spirits…
Thanks so much, Chase for posting this! You’ve brilliantly encapsulated the last month of my journey. I’m not sure but I think I actually had a freaking panic attack today! Out of nowhere, not worrying about any particular thing but bearing the burden of feeling like a failure today, that’s all.
Thank you also for reminding me not to expect to get to a plateau where I’ll just blissfully live out the rest of my days. There will be peaks and valleys.
I’m getting off this machine and taking my dog for a nice walk! Everything will still be here when I’m done!
Jeff
“The boiling is not the YOU part of you. It’s the thing your YOU is doing.” What a spot on statement… Thanks for sharing and for your honesty. I wrote a similar post just a two weeks ago regarding Robin Williams & depression that no one else was talking about here that you may dig: http://practicalidealist.net/robin-williams-and-depression/
Almost 25 yrs doing this ‘stuff’ on my own – amongst all the lessons learned, so-called wisdom derived and pull another rabbit out of nothing stick-to-it-iveness, something that is never goes away is that…it’s never been easy – even when at the top of the top(for that year, for that month).
All things change – always. Bank on it.
But what helps most, I’ve found is being around others who are honest, vulnerable with their own struggles, setbacks and failures because they make us all stronger with all our courage to acknowledge that the easy buttons are myth but what we always have, if we’re ready to receive it, is each other.
This one matters – and will matter, Chase. Thank you.
Being an artist and attempting entrepreneurship is pushing the boundaries of self + knowing and it gets ‘cray’ already being the first bit. And i guess even more with the second but thanks for the reminder to be more observant and to accept these cycles.
And the inner Chase Reeves in all of us looked upon this work and said, this is Good.
Awesome post that so accurately describes how I feel so often, this bit in particular:
“Nowadays, however, my brain chemistry seems to completely control me. Give me a squirt of this and, “yea, everything seems to be heading in the right direction!” A squirt of that and, “what the fuck is the point? Why put any effort into this at all? I don’t enjoy ANY of this.”
Sometimes I’m more afraid of the highs because I know that the ‘what the fuck’ is just around the corner. It’s like being on a rollercoaster.
But I came up with my mantra this week. It goes like this: Your thoughts create your emotions. Your emotions dictate your actions. Your actions create the reality of your life. Be mindful of your thoughts. They create the life you have.
Great Melissa. Replace ‘What the fuck’ with ‘Oh, my God’ It’s a better mantra.
Melissa, read paragraph three, it’s like your mantra. The featured image is a visual of the same.
http://wp.me/p4wn87-7
Love! This is so important. It seems that most entrepreneurs are the kind of people who are very sensitive to roller-coaster style emotions. The most valuable thing I’ve learned over the past year as I’ve started my business is to notice how doing different activities make me feel, taking a break when I begin feeling overwhelmed, and realizing that negative thoughts are simply passing through and need not be indulged.
Yeah Meg, do different things. Take a walk, meditate some, take a powernap, drink lukewarm water with fresh pressed lemon in it, eat healthy and eat less, drink lots of water, play some, exercise each day, be grateful (Stop/Watch/Start) etc. Great for your Presence and Perseverance.
OMG Chase I hate to be the one to break this to ya but… I think you’re going through menopause.
HA! You mother us all, Faith :)
Chase… or should I say “El Chase”… Thanks so much for writing this piece! Really sums up how I’ve been feeling most of the time nowadays. In fact, just this morning I woke up from a double-feature-3D-full-colour dream where Part 1 was “Robert in the Tsunami” and Part 2… “Robert’s escape from the concentration camp”. Literally! WTF!? Hahaha! Nuff said about that…. But seriously, thanks for reminding me to “honour my cracks” … tomorrow is a new day… time to take another step… even if it’s just one REALLY good one.
Love this Chase. I think it is a total myth that we always need to be pushing, striving and conquering. Just like you said the current English translation says (I agree with you).
That definition just causes burnt out, doesn’t allow us to access our creativity and innate problem solving capabilities that would allow us to serve more and generate more revenue in more creative ways.
For too long, I strived, pushed and achieved. I had success with it, until I could do it no more. Now things are way more effortless, opportunities are everywhere and work just flows. It took a total shift in state of mind, and dropping to notion that to achieve anything to be happy is in the end, a losing game.
One key point I think is your realization that “This is anxiety. Remember? This isn’t you, it’s a weird state your body is in.” Too often I have failed to recognize this, made a big deal out of it and freaked out and dropped something. Or I pushed hard only to see little results. Two sides of the same coin of being unconscious.
I’m in love with the term “effortless success” and that’s what I now live. Simply because I couldn’t go back to the traditional achieving, goal settings and kick-ass way. Plus I get better results going the effortless route (really what I mean is effortless effort, a la the Taoist route), thank god. I wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t working either.
Reminds me of (I collect quotes): “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” –Lao Tzu
Do you touch anyone with the work you do? Isn’t that all that matters? Even if your audience is one (yourself), if you touch yourself, did you succeed? Chase, I think you touched yourself here. In fact, I think we could even take it a step further and say you touched your crack.
I’m digging myself into a hole (ooh, yet another bad choice of words … ). I’ll stop. But your post, uh, touched me. No, really. Thank you for posting your deepest innerest thoughts.
I wrote a book (http://goo.gl/eUokAH) for 8 to 10 year old boys a few months ago. OK, fine, I wrote it for two specific 8 and 10 year old boys: mine. Actually, we wrote the book together for each other. Our goal was to write it for ourselves so they could be the heroes. The process of writing the book together with them was the fun, the journey, the success. So it was a success before we were even done. Then we were done. I don’t care if it’s any good, we already achieved our goal. We’ve already succeeded.
You’ve succeeded today just by sharing your fears and anxieties. If your goal was to touch your audience and maybe make them stop and think, even just for a minute, you succeeded. Congratulations–and thanks.
BWaaahaha! Bradley, this, truly, touched me where *usually* only I touch myself.
Wow! And, I thought I was the only one. Thanks, Chase, I needed that.
Oh man you nailed the internal dialogue perfectly! Even the WAIT! part – I felt the anxiety build and drain away like magic. This is a great message Chase. We all need to practice stepping back from these moments and giving ourselves the room to breathe.
What Scott said–really! =)
I am ecstatic that you wrote this, Chase… which is interesting in itself being that I struggled for depression for so long. Being ecstatic about anything is a huge win.
I’m so grateful that you’ve opened up about these struggles. The more we shed light on them, the easier it will be for others who struggle to seek help and open up about theirs. National Suicide Prevention Month just started, and I’m glad Fizzle is kicking it off with a piece like this.
On another note, your “take a walk” cue when anxiety arose was spot on. There are many different ways to deal with anxiety and depression, but exercise has been my key to recovery above all else. Research shows it could be for most other people who struggle as well. Kudos to you for recognizing that right away and for having the strength and awareness to stop yourself in the moment before the negative spiral got its arms around you.
Thanks so much for this, guys. It made my day and I’m sure many others’ a bit more Fizzle-tastic.
Ecstatically,
Amy!
Thanks, Amy! Ecstatic looks good on you (like everything else).
Thank Christ, it’s not just me. The days that grind you down are the ones that Almostmake you forget why you started down this path in the first place.
Almost.
These days I’m learning that I am not the depression and I am not the anxiety. Feeling like shit doesn’t mean I AM shit; have to remind myself of that one daily.
Thank you for the courage to share this. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. We’re not alone.
Whoa… “feeling like shit doesn’t mean I am shit.”
LOVE! Thank you for being “normal”. I can completely relate to this.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s always nice knowing I’m not alone. It’s hard being vunerable, but it’s also humanizing, seeing that we all go through this at some point-to certian degrees. So again, thank you.
A little Bar Keepers Friend® Cleanser & Polish
would do wonders on that pot. I kid!
Thank you for all do
Thank you Chase for the post. For a minute there, I thought that you had somehow used your magical all seeing eye to take a peek at all of the brainstorm pages and incomplete projects stored on my hard drive. :) Thank you for making it clear that we all go through *it*, and that it is all a part of life as an entrepreneur. Your last sentence is my ultimate turnaround…thank you.
Melissa. “But I came up with my mantra this week. It goes like this: Your thoughts
create your emotions. Your emotions dictate your actions. Your actions
create the reality of your life. Be mindful of your thoughts. They
create the life you have.”
I’m going to teach that to my 6 year old daughter! Awesome!
Chase. I love it when people criticize now. The way I look at it is they are acting out of fear. And haters got to hate.
If it’s getting too rough I just sail somewhere else.
You were brave to post this, Chase! And I hear you. OH DO I HEAR YOU. It’s a struggle like that for me, too. We so often tend to show only the “highlights” of life on a blog because we are supposed to have it all together, right? But — then people never see the whole picture of us or any of the real struggles we go through. I’m glad you shared this. :)
Believe it or not, today I was feeling as if I was stuck in a loop: lack of motivation, point of saturation, too much info… BOOM!!!
This kind of mental (or maybe emotional) state is familiar to me as well.
So… thumbs up for our crack moments :-)))
And Play it Away! Great writing, thanx. Sincere, genuine! I recognize this. Had a similar experience but played it away and wrote an article about it om my blog, Podcast included; http://bit.ly/1Bcroxm
Great questions inside to keep going at an instant.
What I use each day is stating my Mission Statement, having a talk with God at the end of each day, filling in my Productivity List each day, make sure I work on my Presence each day, make sure I Play each day etc. But most of all, consider myself to be Awesome!
Phenomenal, timely, and accurate. Thank you sir. I’m in Salem and would love to buy you a beer or three sometime soon.
The anxiety and depression is dark and ugly, but there’s so much beauty in the honesty of this and these comments.
I love you’s guys. I am a new, but loyal fan. Your honesty and transparency (the good kind) are refreshing. All due respect to Faith, it’s called MAN-O-Pause
HA! So good.
Well, as someone about to take on your 30-day Just Ship It Challenge, you guys do good work and give great advice. Keep it up! Looking forward to pimping our SaaS app in the comments of that post in the weeks to come! And yes, I believe your challenge can be tailored to not only work for products and such, but also full-blown SaaS applications. We’ll see anyway… lol
Keep up the good work Chase and the rest of you guys. Ya’ll are changing our lives a little each week.
Thanks for the honest post, something we all can relate to, in this ride of life… : )
Sometimes taking a deep breath (or 3) is the best solution. I’ve totally been through this – especially the coffee jitters!
I needed this today. I just accepted a part-time job today cleaning rich people’s houses because my plan to live off rental income for six months while I launch my business got a big fat monkey wrench thrown in it last week when, the very same day my business made a big step forward, two of my tenants threw their keys in my mailbox and abandoned their lease, leaving me with a trashed apartment and broken, bug-infested furniture to try to clear out and clean up before it gets cold and people become unwilling to move.
I’ve heard that taking three deep breaths every three hours reduced cortisol to the base levels of people who aren’t stressed, but man it’s nice to realize other people know how this feels…and get through it!
Wow Lindsay, that is a big monkey wrench about the renters–but I think your response sound intriguing and I hope the time you spend working part time pays off in more than income. Rich people, eh? Could be direct access to zen as you take tender care of their things for them… remembering that (as you’ve just found out and as Chase has reminded us) everything is temporary. -) Yes, breathe deep! And yes, many of us know how that stress feels and have indeed lived to tell the tales of survival in the face of what seems to rather suck!
Hooo boy.. nailed it! :D Great post, great comments. Thanks Chase for your transparency and willingness to be vulnerable ‘on camera’. Takes nadgers that does (Google it.. ;) :)). Your writing is exquisite mate. That is all.. :)
To be an entrepreneur is a kind of personal development thing, even if you don’t want it… Great school of life in my concern!
Don’t break – just put on the brakes for a minute or five!
Yep. That’s why i started writing poetry when depression got me – now i write for people who are struggling – take 3 minutes out http://www.ThinkNothing.co
I conciser myself an immature entrepreneur. Shit i cant even spell that right! (thanks spell check). But that tells you something huh? As i recently relapsed into cancer for the second time, depression kicked in. HARD! Anxiety was very, very scary. I never thought that i would get there. It was horrible. But i’m moving on. Because I know that everything ends. Good or bad. Thanks for the article (and “Successful Entrepreneurs Focus Better and Quit More Often”) I will be focusing ONLY on me of my projects starting tomorrow. Even though its very tempting to take a lick of the other ones :)
“Sorrow is knowledge, those that know the most
must mourn the deepest, the tree of knowledge is not the tree of life.” Lord
Byron
You think too much. We all do, but it is important to forget
everything at the end of the day otherwise you’ll end up wallowing in
an existential morass. Some of us are able to forget through a couple glasses
of wine, others through television –I recommend the gym. Yeah, I sound like a
fraternity dude bro wearing a sleeveless tee shirt but there’s more to it.
Working out causes the release of a variety of neurotransmitters and
hormones that make you feel better –also, it helps preserve the mind body
connection. Our bodies are inextricably linked to physical activity through
evolution and we need it to experience an expurgation of sorts. Physical training allows
for much simpler thinking and more practical wanting.
For example, you’ll appreciate air, water, and nutrient
dense food; and you’ll be less consumed by material stuff like clothes,
furniture, and other bourgeois accouterments.
Many intellectuals find working out to be boring if not
absurd. However, much like Sisyphus, I embrace the absurdity of rolling the
proverbial rock up a hill only to watch it roll back down again. At least
Sisyphus had great abs.
I just searched through my email so I could find this blog post. It’s one of those brilliant pieces of writing that live on in your thoughts a long time after you read it, well for me, anyway.
This resonated deeply with me the day that I read it, and it still resonates with me now, thinking of all the things I gave up on in those moments where I didn’t feel enough, and learning with each down moment to be stronger the next time it happens so I can come out the other side braver, brighter, better.
Thanks so much for this, I know it’s months old, but it’s a common story for so many of us x
Thanks so much for sharing so honestly Chase! I really appreciate it as I have chronic health issues and this can dramatically affect my mood. I’m learning not to take my moods so seriously, but to always remember, “Okay, I feel crappy now… but I know I’ll feel better later!” It’s amazing what a good sleep can do. I’ve also discovered that some foods dramatically impact my mood and energy levels (like sugar) so it’s best to avoid them. Cheers mate!
I know I should be calling, meeting and selling our product. And this is my trap. Being too hard on myself. When I show myself compassion I feel better. And then I can hold myself accountable.
Sometimes I feel like this is training for having kids. I don’t want to be hard on my kids.
So here goes. I want to ski everyday. But when I ski knowing I haven’t made new contacts for our business I feel bad when I ski. So why ski anyway.
So my goal is to pitch five new people each day. That’s it. I’ll see how I feel after that.
I’m glad to be here. My name is Tomer Alpert. And I have cracks.
Chase, thank you for your unbridled honesty.
We think too much. Life is a gift. What do we do with gifts? We don’t pick them apart, we don’t analyze them and we don’t try to find their meaning. We say ‘thank you!’ and we enjoy them.
Working for yourself is great and it kicks the crap out of you, probably why so many are trying to make it digitally instead of physically. Now that I’m closer to damn old ,rather than middle aged, the next emotion to creep in is risk aversion. Don’t want to lose those chips in the bank even when the odds are 50/50 or better. Then again sometimes the spirit wants to write checks the rest of this sagging bag may not be able cash.
Who knows? Time to look at my crack I guess,
I’ve never clicked so fast and teared so hard from a newsletter link. This was the most humanizing thing I’ve read so far. Thanks so much.
This morning I think all the good ideas are gone. Holy shit , the things I am passionate about are things that every single other asshole wants to make a living with. That old mantra: find your niche, the money is in specialization, don’t be too broad – all that stuff does is make your already long-tail life get longer and longer until you are just one Giant walking long-tail that nobody gives a shit about. I guess nobody said it was going to be easy trying to make a living online! Good piece Chase, you are a great writer!
From your comrade in arms- ETMB. com.au
Cheers,
Pat